My story really starts in the past.

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It's important that I honor all previous versions of myself that have gotten me here today. All of my life I struggled with anxiety and the feeling of being too much. Physically feeling too much, seeing too much, knowing too much with no factual reasons as to how I knew. I spent all of my young life trying to fit in a box that I was never meant to inhabit.

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I struggled most of my life with people pleasing behaviors, suppressing deep parts of my personality and needs, and trying to live a life that everybody told me I was supposed to live. I was deeply unhappy and dissociated from my true self. I spent most of my adolescent years in and out of rehabilitation and behavioral units to try to “fix me.”

I am a Neuro-divergent human, which means my brain and body don't work like Neuro-typical bodies. I am significantly more sensitive to my environment as well as function completely different, because my brain is completely different. I spent an enormous amount of my life trying to fit in and be somebody else's version of "perfect " and it nearly got me killed. 

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In 2008 Spirit called me to Dayton Ohio, which is a long story that I will share at another time, or you can listen to my podcast below to hear my rebirth story. But when I came here to Ohio I found the Good ole Midwestern white Jesus. I spent 10 years of my life serving in the evangelical Christian church. I found so much meaning in being devoted to a spiritual path, as well as being surrounded by fellow people on the same path as me. It served me well for about 5 to 6 years, and then it began to feel like a cage.

 

In 2015, Uranus landed on my moon and I woke up. I felt the first wave of my spiritual /kundalini awakening in spring of 2015. Needless to say I was never the same again. The word Reiki landed in my mind on a spirit quest that I decided to take in the woods of Northeastern Ohio. I fasted and prayed and asked for guidance from God. It showed me symbols, my hands became hot as fire, I saw violet blue everywhere and as I left the woods I heard the word Reiki.

 

I had never heard of Reiki before so when I came back from the woods and told my Christian community what I had heard they told me that it was a message from the devil. As you can imagine that terrified me at the time, but I still went through with it. The symbols never left me. The dreams became more vivid… I would dream of being barefooted and bare breasted dancing around a fire striking a drum. Eventually the dream had to take form and become reality. By early 2016, I was becoming more and more aware that Christianity wasn’t going to serve me anymore. But, I was terrified. Who was I without Jesus? Who was I without my church, and the identity I had created as the miracle saved by Christ from all her addictions and depression?

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Leaving the church was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. It was absolutely a divorce. The only thing that I think could possibly be harder was my actual divorce and becoming a single mom midst a global pandemic, but again that's another story for another day.

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Leaving Church

In 2016 I began learning about trauma and the somatic body. I began learning about the connection between fascia and the amygdala. I had also just had my third baby and didn't know that I was dealing with major trauma. My body suffered an injury during my births, and my doctor told me I needed to pick a low impact form of exercise to not continue to hurt my body. This was when I chose yoga. Or rather Yoga chose me.

 

Yoga completely changed my life. Not just the Americanized version of yoga which is just the movement, known as asana. I mean the actual lifestyle. Mindfulness, movement, routine, redefining how I could embody the sacred. 

I experienced more in the four corners of my mat, breathing, moving, sweating, and releasing in an hour than I did ever listening to a sermon, a good one at that. 

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I went on to completing a 200 hour yoga teacher program which only solidified the truth that I was done with evangelical Christianity. I didn't actually get asked to step down from the church until February 2018, but I had left much before.

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I think as I reflect back it's important to look at how all of this happened. What was my point? And what I think really happened was catalyzed by raising an autistic child. I was forced to embrace the idea that his perception of the world was different and beautiful. It forced me to face my own divergence, as well as my own disabilities. It forced me to understand the body in a way that didn't treat every potential problem as a “demon or a generational curse.” I learned that it was just different, or trauma, or even just disregulation that could be remedied through mindfulness and somatic therapy. 

 

When I finally landed on astrology and tarot, I have to be honest when I say that it was a deep soul call back to something that I have known, practiced, studied and even taught in many many lifetimes. I wasn't even learning it when I reflect back, I was remembering. 

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Learning tarot and astrology was so crucial to my mental health and physical well-being. They taught me shadow work. They taught me self realization. Tarot and astrology taught me the language of the universe and how it interacts with my own psyche. I had no idea that these simple taboo tools were actually tools for self-realization. Shadow Work. 

 

As the shadow work was doing its work I realized that I needed grounded and embodied ways to deal with everything that was actually coming up. I slowly but surely turned back towards nature, and earth-based spirituality. I read the book Soul Craft by Bill Plotkin, which completely changed my life and put me on a trajectory to understand the psyche from an ecological centered standpoint. Shortly after that I began my work with my teacher Danielle Dulsky, which changed my life even more.

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In early 2019 I took a 300 hour training program with Danielle that changed everything about me. Or rather helped me remember everything that my soul was looking for. I met my ancestors. I met my truth. I met wise counsel. And I was never the same again.

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Present Moment

When I think about where I am now in the present moment, I think about weaving all of the wild ways that the universe has supported me, and how that support flows out of me as well. I have a huge medicine bag full of wisdom that likes to come out in a multitude of ways. 

 

Learning astrology helped me understand that I have Uranus in Sagittarius directly on my ascendant, which points to my weird, unconventional, and unpredictable ways of moving about the world. But it also helps me understand that I am a channel. I am meant to function in the genius of the moment. It also means that tradition doesn't suit me very well, as I will just break out of the mold and disrupt it over and over again. Uranus is the great awakener and disruptor. The ascendant tells us how the world sees us, and how we instinctively move about in the world. And I think that is a great segue into who I am and what I value today.

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Learning and teaching astrology as references to understand ourSelves more is my great passion. To help others to see themselves fully. To love all parts of themselves fully. As the entire constellation of your Self, past selves, ancestors, guides and more all existing in one galaxy of experience. 

 

Who I Am

I am an awakener, illuminator, a disruptor and spinner of a new way. I am weaving the old ways and the new ways into a tapestry of unknown magick. Holding the wisdom and the truth of my ancestors and the stability of the earth, as well as holding the stars of the future and paving a brave new world forward. 

 

I am Lauren Wilde.

Endless and new.

Shadow and light.

Good and bad.

Eve and Lilith.

Darkness and Light.

Destruction and creation.

Holy and true. 

 

My great mission is to help you awaken to your truest self. Your soul level self. Because I believe at the end of the day when we live out our soul level self, the consciousness of this planet will rise and we will see a new way born. Because consciousness brings empathy, compassion and love. Consciousness and soul level vibration cannot exist in judgment and division. I believe we are all fractals of the same consciousness trying to find our way home. And I believe that when we find and integrate our wild soul selves, we heal the world and birth a new and brave way forward. 

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I do hope you'll join me.

For you are the dance of shadow and light, and you are Holy. 

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Lauren Wilde

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